My name is Roberto.

I consider myself a normal person, the kind that blend quietly into the fray and does not like me to appear nor will impress anyone.

A quiet life with my wife and my children without too many problems if not the classic that everyone loves to complain just to be able to say that things do not go as you would like.

But why to complain if we are not so bad after all?

I had a Catholic upbringing forcibly since an early age and It is something that growing up I always lived with more suffering to become a source of conflict and struggle against the "laws" and insegnaments of the church. Not that they were wrong about the basic content of the Christian value but certainly I did not agree on this hierarchical structure that reigned in the name of God on us children unable to understand.

That's the main reason for my departure from the faith and seek an ongoing relationship and trust with our Lord Jesus.

I have never doubted the existence of God but was no longer so important in my life everyday. It was like a memory, an old friend that you know to be able to account but that basically you would have called only when needed.

A short faith to buy at supermarket when needed,  you put your wallet and not even have the mathematical certainty of seeing something real.

That's just the fact of not having certainty of not having direct signs from our Lord made me think that if God exists is still busy doing other things and He not have some time for me.

I was wrong. God has time for each of us, in his own way and He sends every day the sign of His presence.

But I needed a sign, clear, obvious, that opened my eyes even before the heart.

Well, I had this sign right in front of my closed eyes  and sealed in front of my heart .... Erwin was... This sign has sent me direclty from God  to begin to trust him and to go over and meet him every day better and better.

Erwin talked a lot to me and he wrote me a “personal” letter that changed my life.
Wow that letter was so clear and it seems to me an advice direclty from God and I can say so for sure because the letter goes directly at the point and fulfill my heart of joy.

“And the best relationships and friendships are based on trust, reliability, truth and by giving.
This is the foundation of our relationship with Jesus Christ our Lord.”

I changed a lot after reading this letter.

We have nothing to lose by asking us "only" to love each others, that's  not so strange!

Jesus loves us and speaks to us of salvation and eternal life and we just have to follow His word.

Thank you Jesus

Thought I'd add a story that might inspire others. I tried not to make it too long but felt there was something I needed to say.

My first recollections in life were riding in a station wagon with a group of kids going to an orphanage. My parents were still alive, but had recently divorced and my mother collapsed and was in the hospital and my family said they couldn't help so my brother and I were sent to an orphanage. It was there I learned about religion from the nuns and Christian brothers. They taught me valuable lessons about life, the way I should live and act as a christian and I still follow their teachings. 

Always singing and playing music I formed my own band in NY in the early 70's and toured the US. Not very profitable but I learned many lessons. When I came back 4 years later I went to college to get my music degree and graduated cum laude. An awesome feeling to be chosen to sing at my own graduation and sit on the podium with the president and dean while all my friends sat ihttp://www.theintimate.net/stories/n the audience.

I performed for many years, but decided coming from a broken family, that I wanted to make my own family and got married when I was 42. I realized if I waited any longer I would be too old to play with my children. I got married to a wonderful woman and had a son name Raymond.

In order to provide for my family I had to leave the music world as a full time artist and work in the blue and collar world. Years later after working as an electrician, carpenter, electronic technician, and prop maker for the entertainment business (I always kept tapes of my music with me hoping someone would listen to it and get my music played in one of the music videos, or movies) and then as a finished carpenter in the building industry. When the market hit rock bottom I found myself not needed, and got a job working for TSA and Homeland Security to help protect our country from any terrorist activities. 

One day (about 4 years ago) after complaining to the doctor for many months about pain I went into his office and he immediately said I needed to go to the emergency room. I had a condition that would kill me if I didn't have an operation immediately. In the OR the last thing I heard was the surgeon say was "this is a really tricky operation. We could be here for hours. I tell you I hope I never have to go through this operation myself."  I had wanted to prepare my last will and testament before the operation but it all happened so fast . "Wow" I thought "was this it for me?" Would that be the last time I see my wife and son. I spoke with God like I always did every day and passed out before I knew it.

A few weeks later I was at the checkpoint at Reno Airport and was thinking "Is this it? Is this what my life is all about?" I didn't know it but I was falling into a deep depression that lasted for about 4 years. My emotions were extreme and my senses were ultra keen as if I had just received them. I could smell all of the passengers going through the airport almost 50 feet in front of me. Something I had never been able to do before. I sat at home and cried for hours for no apparent reason. My doctor said there was no explanation why I had gotten that condition, and no way to tell if it would occur again. He told me to be careful what I did on a daily basis. It was very stressful thinking every moment of every day while I was conscious, and not knowing what caused my condition and if it happened again I might not make it this time. My musical career which was almost nonexistent as far as performing was over now, and all I could do was stand as a Federal Officer and watch everyday and get my paycheck. My job suddenly became unimportant because of politics and doing things to people I knew were wrong. I was harassed to the point that one day I gave my 2 weeks notice and never looked back. 

It was 2 years before my being able to retire on my birthday, but I had saved enough money to take care of us till my retirement kicked in. Or at least I thought I did. I just sat at home playing my guitar, singing, trumpet and piano wondering what I should do now. I was at the point that I was in an area now where I was looked at as a "Darkee" (person of color) and not able to work for any organizations in the white collar field because they only wanted white people and since I was hispanic I looked like an "illegal alien". On top of that I was now a senior citizen, had no recent experience in anything other than security and that was not what I wanted to do with my life. So now trying to get another job was almost nonexistent.

My relationship with my wife and son became so distant I felt like a boarder living there. I tried my best to rekindle the love my wife and I had but she was now a different person. She lived in another room away from me and didn't want to listen to my music anymore. She even refused to sit with me and watch anything with me on TV.  I felt totally alone as I did in the orphanage. Seems menopause had changed the way my wife saw life and our relationship. I felt like a stranger in my own home.

It was then I found Indaba music. I connected once more to the music world full time, and started searching the internet making music for anyone and everyone who would have me. Frustrated at not being able to win any contests for almost a year I made the song "Summer Love" my last song and asked if someone would master my song. Mind you I had gotten to the point of trying to figure out how to leave this world the fastest and easiest way, so when I found someone who said they would master my song I was for one moment happy that I would leave my last musical work. Then when I received my so called mastered song it was raped. My solo's were deleted replaced by another instrument, my mood of tranquility was interrupted by sounds of small percussion instruments and my arrangement was changed not to mention entrances and drum patterns were changed as well. I wanted to sell everything I had and go to where that person was and choke that person till his last breathe was gone. I tried to contain my anger and told him that I only wanted to master my remix and he needed to put all my instruments back and just do a master. He replied "I made a new master and put most of the instruments back but kept the best ones in." Those annoying percussion instruments were still there. He wouldn't take them out and wouldn't put back all the sounds I created and the clock was ticking. The end of entries was near at hand. By that time I nearly had a heart attack and just said thanks and put the version up on Indaba knowing full well that it was not my song anymore. Meanwhile I felt like the world had ended and I was left alone trying to figure out how to end it all. 

It was then I wrote to Mantis and told him I was leaving Indaba, and he uplifted my spirits and gave me hope. He said I had a special talent not many people had and didn't want me to leave Indaba. He reminded me that writing music wasn't about winning awards or getting money. It was about sharing my gift of the love of music to anyone who wanted to hear it and told me there were many people who told him how much they liked my music. Mind you he had no idea that I wanted to leave this earth not just Indaba. I also relayed the story to my friend Erwin (Le Vab) and he told me I needed to get a relationship with God. I thought I had a special relationship with God. I spoke with him everyday. When I woke up, in the afternoon when I walked in the kitchen to get something to eat and before I fell asleep. Erwin (Le Vab) reminded me that I needed to meditate and get back into a better frame of mind. I soon forgot everything else, just closed my eyes and stayed there for days almost a vegetable. I shed the hate, the fear, the agony that I was inflicting on myself and remembered the old happy guy everyone used to call "Smiley". Because for most of my life just being alive was reason to be happy. 
I finally remembered that and started writing music again and have written and recorded some of the best music I've ever done.

Now at the age 62, more than 4 months before I officially retire with no money and no real means of paying my bills, I fear not because I know God will provide. Now I can hear the lord clearly and he says to me "Be Patient. Everything will be alright."

So my friends I have been at the end of my rope (literally) and tell you if you have fears, and doubts, and you have anger that won't subside, put it all aside for I believe for you as well that, "Everything will turn out all right. Just have patience".

Wishing you, your family and your loved ones, peace and love.

Sincerely
Jestunes
(Alias Jesse Mendez)